we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I need water and some morals
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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