I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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