u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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