you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
