the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
