hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
