Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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