anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
