Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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