the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
