remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So squirting runs in the family.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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