The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
