your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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