i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
