i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
