She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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