A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize