the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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