In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
