I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
