Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
