i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
