He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
