I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
