Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This baby is an asshole
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
