My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
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Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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