if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
