and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This baby is an asshole
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.