I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just had sex bonerless
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?