I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.