im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...