Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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