This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
