ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
