my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
did you just send me my own nude
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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