So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
