so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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