idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
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our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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