He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
