Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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