the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize