Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
