i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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