It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
