Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
