Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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