and you said cock pushups were impossible
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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