I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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