Its about making memories worth repressing
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
