woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
