wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
