Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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