So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
