dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
