I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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