I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
