I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
