Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
