Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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