I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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